Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
