Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
