this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
