did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
