I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
