you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
