Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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