But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
