He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
