She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
