I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
