great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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