To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
