Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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