If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
