96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
