I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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