I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
