After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
