At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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