Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
