fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
All the doctor said was why
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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