Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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