Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
