He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
