I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
