sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
