DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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