I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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