remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
