If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I haven't been this sober since birth.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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