Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
