I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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