Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
