yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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