My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
