just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
