It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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