I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
