At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
