There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
