If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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