I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
