My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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