A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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