he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So. Much. Porn.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
