my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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