oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
