Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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