Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
