i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
